Friday, April 14, 2006

Fertile Myrtle got a girdle

Okay, so falling down when you're pregnant and almost forty SUCKS. I still hurt like it just happened and I've got a doozey of a bruise on my back that tells me it ain't letting up. So this morning (note: mornings SUCK because I have gotten sporadic, pained sleep that leaves me exhausted and hurt and weepy) Tommy said I should call the emergency room and see if they can recommend something then it dawned on me that I should call my mom (The Nurse) and see what she says but then I told Tommy that I didn't want to call her just yet because I knew I would cry when I started talking to her but then I couldn't decide if I should wait to call her after my shower- hoping my mood would lighten but what if it just made me weepy the whole day?!? Now mind you, I started full-tilt crying a tenth of the way into that sentence to him (it's sad that he's used to it) which then made me laugh about my blathering which then alleviated the crying and I was able to call her like the mature adult I pretend to be.

Mom said maybe I should get (note: Mom doesn't look her age AT ALL but at times she shows her age verbally...wait for it....) a girdle (shiver!) and that she wore one when she was pregnant with me when she worked as like the head RN in the emergency room (I think that much drive skips a generation). Earlier this week I thought those velcro waist cinchers you see UPS guys wear would feel really good with my current situation (they feel gooooood if you've never worn one) so I thought it was worth looking into getting a prenatal version.

So off I went to the nearby Home Health Store. Do you know how much those things cost? Because I sure didn't when I went in there. They start, START at $55. Fortunately the woman working in the former pharmacy (literally - they left the aqua and gold sign from the 40's on the back wall) was really helpful and she suggested I call my doctor and get a prescription for one. (What's weird is earlier that day a girl from work got a prescription for one of those ergonomic kneel-y chairs - who would have thought you could get a prescription for furniture and velcro!)
So I did and I did!

A couple of hours later I went back to the store to pick up my support band (for lack of a prettier term). Said nice woman working there said, "Come back here and I'll show you how to put it on." (Begga pardon?) I figured it was part of the prescription so I went to the back and got to really study the ancient aqua and gold pharmacy sign complete with the snake-y cross symbol thing. Now take a moment to truly experience the Loving Comfort Maternity Support (from the makers of the Breast Binder!). Sexy, no?

This kicky little number takes a bit of time to put on...didn't help that I was wearing jeans and a bulky sweater but Nice Salesperson didn't seem to mind. She hugged me from the back as she applied the Abdominal Support Pad (or ASP as we like to call it in the ortho biz); while back there, she attached the belt (no sassy initials for that one); then looped the upper strap over the whole shebang. Did I mention I was wearing a BLACK bulky sweater? Yeah, that's a good look.

But when you have scorching muscle spasms like I have been having, it doesn't matter what you look like as long as it feels good and the Loving Comfort Maternity Support is aptly named.

FORTUNATELY, Tommy has duty tonight so I'm safe from any ravaging that will no doubt ensue after he sees me in this little aphrodisiac.

Well, time for me to go strap myself in and hopefully get a decent night's sleep.

Nigh, nigh!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Thank you for the image that will last a long, long time. At least you weren't wearing a similar hot pink leotard number like the woman from the website.