Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Jinx of the Blog?

Invariably...or relatively so....if I gush about how great my husband is, the very next day we have a fight or a tiff or some other unpleasant nash. Well, apparently this jinx applies to moods as well because no sooner had I bored myself writing my previous post that I soon turned to mush.

I went downstairs to do the Big Wash of bottles, sippy cups, and other handwashables and I just plain ached. Why is it, if it's "just" an organ, do I ache in my heart? I guess it's more of an ache in my core (and not in the trendy muscular sense) but I associate it with my heart which doesn't help with the heart references. And yet, at times it helps to cry. A lot of times. Cleanses the soul, core, heart, whatever. And doing dishes is one of those commonplace chores that's kind of therapeutic in it's plain-ness where you can fit a crying jag in quite nicely. A crying jag and a chat with the God of My Choice over recent events, past bad decisions and the question of residual karmic consequences. I think He assures me I'm being too hard on myself. I hope I got it right when I heard a quiet voice saying everything will work out.

And as Luck, or something more bitter, would have it, this feeling went Pavlovian. Tonight when I went downstairs to do the handwashables, the tears came with me.

Didn't help that they didn't call today to book his MRA appointment. Didn't help that at a rather rough point at work, a woman I work with who I adore and whose birthday is a day after mine read our horoscope:
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Entertain everyone with your Leo charm and you will gain popularity today. Emotional issues with someone you love will escalate if you ignore his or her complaints. Put some time aside to take care of personal matters.

Didn't help that he threw a little tantrum because he was tired and was inconsolable a little too long for my tastes ("Could he be hurting himself? Is his blood pressure getting high? Do I just give him a cookie to calm him down? Are these emotions escalating? Am I ignoring viable complaints?").

And yet, it's what I signed up for. And it's all worked out so far. When I was pregnant, they saw fluid on his brain, that passed. When he was born, he couldn't shake the jaundice, that passed. When he had a questionably large head and we had to wait for a CAT scan, those results showed he just has a giant head, so that passed.

This too shall pass.

Better get to my loving husband who is a little worried about the current tear flow. Man he rocks.

I'm not afraid of you, Jinx...okay, well maybe a little.

This is going to be a bumpy ride.

No comments: